Job postings are an-going source of amusement; today’s candidate for “um yeah, , sign me up for that one” arrived recently in a friend’s email inbox:

I’ve attached the job description details below. Please take a look and let me know if you would be interested in pursuing this further.
NOTE: Please ignore if it is not suitable.

Position Details:

Position Title: Business Analysis/Mgmt
Location: Redmond, WA
Contract: 19months

Project Description:
Support all activities related to development, distribution, and analysis of Equipment Forecasting & related Metrics Reporting at a national level.

Job Description:
Position will be responsible for analyzing Wireline & Wireless key component data to determine trending for future demand requirements and forecasting of potential component shortages.
• Use and support database applications and various system support tools to effectively evaluate data quality, applications and functions, produce output, and maintain operational effectiveness.
• Analyze data with advanced statistical methods, interpret results, and provide written summaries of data analyses with an emphasis on improving forecast accuracy as required or necessary.
• Reports will include but are not limited to Wireline and Wireless key component data to determine trending for future demand and forecasting of potential component shortages.
• Work closely with leadership to translate strategic concepts into data fields and report formats.
• Develop programs, methodologies, and files for analyzing and presenting data.
• Work with customers to develop and understand analysis specifications.
• Create and recommend strategies to maximize the effective management of materials.
• Assist in the development of long- and short-term objectives to ensure that programs and efforts are directed toward achieving company goals.
• May initiate corrective action to assure objectives are met.
• Assist in the establishment and administration of unit policies, procedures and systems.
• Use various system support, purchase order management, and warehouse management tools.
• This position requires the ability to work closely with cross functional teams (IT, Operations, Contract Management, Network, Finance, Logistics Support) to implement changes and improvements to existing processes.

Skill (and yes, “skill,” NOT “skills”)

1) MS Office (Word/Excel/PPTP Expert Required
2) MS Project Expert Required
3) Visio Expert Required
4) Communication Skills (Verbal/Written) Expert Required
5) Keen attention to details Expert Required
6) Forecasting/Projections experience Expert Required
7) Metrics Analysis experience Expert Required
8) SQL Scripting Expert Required

I hope to hear from you soon!

I want to meet the expert  who is eventually hired for this one; the only one key requirement not included in this posting was:

“Proven ability to successfully walk on water – expert required”

Otherwise, the candidate will sink in that body shop’s expert requirements.

:)